I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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