Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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