He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
