she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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