Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
