Ambien. No doubt about it.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
