Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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