you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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