Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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