The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
