my phone needs a breathalizer
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
