i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
