You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Sorry my hands just texted you
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
