I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
