it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
