oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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