Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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