Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
