i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
my liver is dry heaving
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
