You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
