I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
