Im at strip club and am horny
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
