I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
