I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
