He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
