For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
