hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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