the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
