I cockslap morals
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize