i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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