Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize