Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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