Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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