his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
