i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
