what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about youâ€
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