I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
