Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
