In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
