dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
