why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
