There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
