When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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