Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
