He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
