After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
