Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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