glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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