I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
