I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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