Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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