On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
please come you make the beer taste better
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
