Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
