This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize