marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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