I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
