her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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