My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
