ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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