i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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