I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
