Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I came so hard my ears popped.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
